Sometimes in life you can tell right away when you’ve found the one; other times you may not be so sure. If for whatever reason you find yourself constantly questioning your relationship, it may be time to end it altogether.
So really, what is it that’s making your relationship such hard work? If any of the following sound a little too familiar then it may be time to say goodbye to Mr. Wrong;
1. You feel like he’s hiding something
I’m sure we’ve all been there ladies; the unexplained lack of contact, how he hides his phone every time you’re within viewing distance and a few too many “of course that’s my sister’s hairbrush” lines. Trust is a cornerstone to any lasting relationship, so if you feel, genuinely, that he’s hiding something from you then perhaps it’s time to break up.
Don’t worry too much if you’re in the early stages of a relationship; sometimes it takes a little while to “settle in” and become serious. As he grows to love and respect you more, you should see a decrease in ‘shifty behaviour’ until eventually it goes away entirely.
Also, make sure you’re not that crazy suspicious girlfriend for no reason – maybe he really was out with his mum.
2. You feel like YOU’RE the secret
If you’ve been with him for a couple of months and you still haven’t met any of his friends, family or co-workers then he’s probably, for whatever reason, keeping you a secret.
Why would he do this? Well, there are a few possibilities;
a. He’s not ready to announce your relationship to the world yet. You may be doing everything right and he may see you as a long term partner, but for some reason he doesn’t want to rush things. Perhaps he was hurt in the past and wants to be sure that you are the one before he makes it ‘Facebook official’.
b. He fears his family and/ or friends won’t approve of you or the relationship. This is often an issue when the family has religious beliefs which are different to your own, or maybe his family are just unnecessarily judgemental. Whatever the cause of his secrecy, you need to be aware that one day he may have to choose between them and you.
c. You’re his bit on the side. Have you ever spent an entire weekend with him? Ever been on a mini vacation? Does he even spend the night? If not then there could be another woman – maybe even a wife! This could be a good time for a Google-stalk.
d. He’s keeping his options open. Don’t waste any more time with this player.
3. He’s controlling or excessively possessive.
If he’s telling you what you can and cannot wear, deciding who you can and cannot speak to and insisting that you cancel plans with friends to spend more time with him then he’s too controlling. You were born free darling, he’s gotta go!
Bear in mind however that controlling guys are often the hardest to break up with and can even turn into stalkers. The best way to handle this kind of break up is to tell him clearly that it’s over and then cut-off all communication. If he causes any further problems have a third party intervene as he won’t feel as though he can emotionally manipulate them like he would try to do with you.
4. You spend more time arguing than laughing.
Sad, but true; if you’re in a relationship where you spend more time smashing plates than cracking up perhaps you shouldn’t be together. Often in very ‘passionate’ relationships where hormones are running wild, you can find yourself trapped in a constant cycle of blazing arguments and mind-blowing make-up sex, but how long can such a relationship last? It’s exhausting. Perhaps you can keep it up for a few months, or even years whilst you’re young, but long term you should look for stability and a partner who makes you feel good on a daily basis.
If the two of you used to get along like a house on fire but now you think about setting the house on fire with him still inside it, then you need to look at what has changed in your relationship. Are you spending less time together? Are you spending more time together? Is someone experiencing more stress at work? Are you dealing with money troubles currently?
Sometimes life makes love difficult, but that doesn’t mean you should let it destroy what you have. In a situation like this where the relationship has lost its spark, you need to make a conscious effort to spend more quality time together – no, not sitting in front of the television! Go out on dates; dinner, cocktails, dancing. Take a class, make new friends. Once you start doing exciting things together your relationship will get back on track.
5. He’s avoiding commitment.
If he’s avoiding commitment and you’re looking for a serious relationship then it may be best to end things now to save future heartache.
Sometimes things don’t move at the same pace for each person in the relationship; maybe you can see a white dress and children in your joint future, but he may only be looking as far ahead as spending Christmas with you this year.
Moving at different paces is okay, but if you’re genuinely concerned about the longevity of the relationship then perhaps it’s time for ‘that’ conversation – the dreaded “where is this going?” conversation. Sure, it may be a difficult to brooch the subject, but open and honest communication is vital if you really want the relationship to work.
Hopefully the two of you can talk things through and focus on the positives in your relationship and where your life together is headed, but if he really can’t offer you any kind of long-term commitment then it may be time to break up and move on.
My closing thought is this; never let fear hold you back from doing what you feel is right – that includes breaking up. Sometimes women, and men, are afraid to end an unhappy relationship because they’re scared of the consequences; what will I do? Will he be angry? Will I ever find someone else? Are things really THAT bad?
Doing the right thing takes bravery and if you are genuinely unhappy in a relationship and the issues that you’re having aren’t resolvable then I hope that you can find the courage to say farewell.
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